Scattering

The school year will quickly be coming to a close soon. In less than two weeks will be our "spring" break, after which May will soon follow, and that will pretty much be it. The first half of the year and of this semester seemed to go by in slow motion, but now everything is suddenly speeding up and drawing to a close.

The end of the first semester and beginning of this semester were marked by chatter about everyone's plans for next year and by a flurry of job fairs in December, January, and February. Now, everything has calmed down, and everyone leaving pretty much know where they're off to next. For the number of people leaving, though, I'm a little surprised the list isn't longer.

There are a group of us heading back to the U.S.: our family; a family of four from Oregon (came in with us); a young couple also from Oregon (came in with us); the school psychologist, who only signed a one-year contract; and one of the high-school counselors and her husband. who have been here for three years.

The rest of those leaving are moving on to other parts of the world:
Bogota
Panama
Hong Kong
Taiwan
Zambia
Moscow
Switzerland
Singapore
Qatar

The location that drew the most excitement was Moscow. Not only does it seem the most exotic (relatively speaking, of course) of the list, but the school where the teaching couple will be working is also very well-known and one of the best international schools in the world.

There are also two people who are taking a year off to travel before deciding what to do next. One of them, our current head of school, is closer to retirement age than not, so he is thinking about doing something else altogether.

The other one is the young (early 30s or younger) high-school choir teacher who is taking a year off to travel and research her options prior to returning to graduate school to obtain her doctorate degree. She will keep her apartment here in Bangkok and use it as her home base.

The choir teacher's plan is something we would love to do, if we were younger. If we stayed in Asia, we could live very comfortably just on our savings, but we are not such big risk-takers that we would abandon our livelihoods with no source of income. In Asia, though, the idea of quitting one's job and traveling seems very doable and normal, and a lot of people seem to create their own virtual careers and sources of income while traveling, even those with families and children. Life seems so fluid here. Maybe in a few years, we will be brave enough and ready to take a break to do something crazy like that.  

Teaching Right from Wrong in a Grey World

Last week, a scandal broke out within the tenth-grade biology classes that confirmed for me all the cynical beliefs I've ever held about humankind. And the students' and administrator's reaction to it made the entire situation all the more demoralizing and disheartening.

Early last week, the tenth-grade biology classes (a required course for all tenth-graders) took a unit test. While there are many biology sections taught by three teachers (my husband being the "team leader" for the subject), they all take the same test to ensure uniformity of content and standards so those who enter IB or AP Biology next year have the same knowledge base. On Wednesday, one of the biology teachers informed my husband and the third teacher that a student in his class had taken photos of every page of the exam and sent it around to the majority (at least 65 percent) of the tenth graders prior to most of them having taken the test. The teacher only found out about the cheating incident because a parent whose child had seen the illicitly obtained photos had reported the incident; none of the students said anything and took the test as if nothing had happened.

After learning of the situation, the teacher went to speak with our assistant principal. Her reaction? Instead of supporting the teachers in implementing a suitable punishment and making it a lesson about ethics and academic integrity for the rest of the students, she essentially blamed the teachers for not creating three uniquely different tests, which is exceedingly difficult to do when one is assessing process and analytical skills rather than knowledge. This reaction just shows how ignorant she is about the process and science of teaching, which we all knew anyway.

Even more demoralizing is the school policy itself: if a student is caught cheating, the "punishment" is to give the student 80 percent of what s/he would have received. EIGHTY!!! This means that if the student had received 100 percent on a test, s/he would still receive a "B" on the test despite having cheated! How is that a punishment? Like many rules and policies at the school, this one is useless and stupid.

The assistant principal insisted that the school policy has to be this way because the parents would never stand for a student caught cheating receiving a failing grade. Are the teachers there to teach the students and mold them into productive and upstanding citizens and leaders (a near-impossible task as it is, considering the students are used to a society and role models with loose moral values) or to cater to the parents and be their puppets? This is another example of the school's administrators allowing parents with power and connections to run the school, which leads to a lot of mismanagement and confusion, to say the least! Fortunately, the teacher disagreed and decided to give the student a failing grade. He was willing to take on the parents if they complained because he knew he was in the right. Moreover, the student himself knew it -- he readily agreed to the punishment without a single argument.

As for the rest of the tenth graders and their tainted tests, the teachers decided not to count the test and instead just check it off as an assignment they had completed, which did not affect their grades. The reason the biology teachers did this was there is an unknown percentage of students who didn't see the test and wasn't even aware that cheating was going on, and they didn't want to punish these students. My husband gave his students a lecture, but in my opinion, the students got off easy.

Only one student out of the entire tenth grade -- a Japanese girl in my husband's class -- came forward before she knew that the incident had already been reported. After the teachers made the announcement not to count the test, the students did not react, but many came forward privately and admitted to having seen the test before taking it. None of my students came forward, though it is entirely possible they weren't aware of what was going on (but I can see two or three of them being part of the scandal and being dishonest enough to go along with it).

When asked why they didn't report it, the students who admitted to seeing the test responded with "I didn't want to get anyone in trouble," "I didn't want to get in trouble with my friends," or "I didn't really look at the attachment [photos of the test]." Many of them were disconcertingly nonchalant about the whole affair, stating matter-of-factly that they thought what they saw were review worksheets. When asked what they thought when they realized that the test was exactly the same as the "review worksheets," they just shrugged and said they just did the test. My husband and I told them they had committed a serious act of academic dishonesty, which could mean expulsion in some schools and in university. We told them they had essentially broken the teachers' trust in them, and that it would take a long time to earn back that trust again. They seemed shocked; they actually hadn't thought about the implications of their complicity and the consequences of their actions! Especially disappointing is that some of these students are the top students of the grade, the ones that the rest of the student body looks to for guidance and leadership.

At least the student who disseminated the test made it easy to identify him -- he took pictures of the exam with his name on it! All I could do was shake my head: not only is this kid dishonest, but he's also an idiot. As I used to tell my students in the U.S., if you are going to lie, at least do it well!

I know that cheating and unethical acts go on daily in every corner of the world, some more so than others, but for some reason, this scandal really, really depressed me and crushed my spirits. I've dealt with cheating students before, and I'm generally very cynical when it comes to people, so it's not like I was surprised by what happened. Maybe it's because it's distressing to see these kids fail to rise above the prevailing mindset of their peers when they truly have every advantage in the world to be the best they can be in every way possible. Maybe it's hard to see that these students are already so used to questionable moral beliefs as part of their lives that they didn't see how wrong this entire situation was. Maybe it's because it's troubling to recognize that these future leaders of this country -- which many of these students will most certainly become -- have such weak moral character. Or perhaps it's just sad to see that the leadership at our school has, once again, behaved as we have come to expect and failed in their duties as educators.

Chatuchak Weekend Market

This past weekend, we finally got up the courage and energy to make our first trip to Chatuchak Weekend Market. A well-known and popular tourist destination, it's probably one of the first places people visit when they come to Thailand. We're probably the only people at our school who did not go there as soon as we landed in Thailand. It took us well over 1 1/2 years to visit because it involves two things I cannot stand: crowds and shopping.

Furthermore, here in Thailand, when one is thinking about going on an outing, one always has to weigh all the obstacles against the value of the outing itself and decide whether or not the outing is worth going through all the obstacles. In our case, we likely won't go there again, but we wanted to see it and experience it just once. For one, just the traffic alone makes going anywhere tedious. It took us 1 hour and 40 minutes to get there, including almost one hour sitting in traffic just to get to the sky train (but only 30 minutes in a taxi and half the price to get home!). Then, it was very, very hot that day and it was crowded with annoying people. I know some teachers -- my son's teacher being one of them -- who go there almost every weekend. I have no idea how they can stand sitting in traffic for so long just to acquire stuff.

Chatuchak Weekend Market is Thailand's largest market. I've heard that it's the size of four football fields. Whether or not that's true, I can't say, but as the video below says, the market has more than 15,000 stalls selling everything imaginable, including the kitchen sink, literally (porcelain ones, which I know several women at our school had bought and lugged back to the U.S. over the last winter break!). It was a little overwhelming at first due to the fact that I have not really gone shopping in such a large shopping area for a long time now, but it's much more organized than I had imagined. Even so, walking through the aisles, there was nothing I found truly appealing, even though there were vendors selling some really beautiful things. To me, after having been to other markets, none of the things being sold there was all that unique. They were mostly things sold by other vendors at other markets to appeal to the tourists. And the prices reflected the fact that Chatuchak is a tourist destination, which it didn't used to be. I'm sure if I had gone there within the first months of coming to Thailand, I would've been more taken with all the things I saw.

In the end, the outing was more pleasant than I had expected, aside from the crowd and the heat. We kept our time there relatively short (1 1/2 hours -- shorter than the time it took us to get there and get home); we didn't go there with the intention to shop, so we could stroll leisurely and relax; and we stopped for many breaks for popsicles and cold drinks (I love the fresh fruit drinks in Thailand and other parts of Asia!). We left before we got annoyed to go to the park next door, where we had a leisurely picnic lunch, relaxed, and let our son play at the playground, even though it was a gazillion degrees out and there was very little shade. Because green spaces are so limited in Bangkok, we were very happy to just sit and take in the trees and green grass around us. It was a nice way to end our trip.

A map of the market to guide shoppers.

Getting our popsicles. Since the video, the price has gone up 20 percent...to all of 5 baht!

Hanging monkeys.

Porcelain everything.

Beautiful tapestries.

Paintings.

An aisle at the market.

Rows and rows of clothes for dogs. There were also hats and shoes!

One of the better ideas from the Thais: put drinks in plastic sleeves with handles, so you can wear it on your wrist and free your hands to hold other things.

Bottle lighting.

Chatuchak Park.

Judo Belt Examination: A Day in the Life of a Japanese Child

A couple of Saturdays ago, between the time my husband and I were recovering from illness and the time my son got sick the following Monday, I managed to accompany him on a field trip with his after-school judo club, which is taught by a Japanese-Thai student of my husband's and her Japanese father. The trip was to the Thai-Japanese Association School, a Japanese school in Bangkok, so the kids at our school could practice judo with Japanese students and take the belt test to get their belts. This school has students from grades 1 to 8, and has about 3000 students, making it a larger school than our school, which has approximately 1200 students pre-K to 12. The school, being a Japanese school, teaches a Japanese curriculum and follows the routines of Japanese schools, such as having school on Saturdays (half day) and requiring all students to learn one of three forms of Japanese martial arts offered at the school, one of which is judo. The students practice martial arts regularly, at least every other day.

The Thai-Japanese Association School

We went to this school via a shuttle ride arranged by the judo sensei. In the van with us were the sensei, his Thai wife (who is also fluent in Japanese); the sensei's son, who also participates in judo (his daughter, my husband's student, is a brown belt in judo, but was on another school field trip); a Japanese alumnae of our school who now acts as the liaison between our school and Japanese parents and students, and who was along on the trip as translator for our students, who do not speak Japanese; and three Thai students. On the way there, the two boys who were my son's age were wrestled each other, shouted loudly, made obscene and inappropriate gestures, and talked about killing and video games nonstop.

The trip took us well over an hour, but our first stop was at a McDonald's, where the sensei and his wife bought everyone lunch. Everyone was excited about stopping there and went to town ordering everything on the menu. I had brought along sandwiches for my son and me, but I allowed him to purchase French fries. Everyone with us looked at me like I had two heads when I told them we wouldn't be eating McDonald's for lunch. It's so funny how differently McDonald's is regarded here.

Once at the school, we went to a large multi-purpose room where a group of Japanese parents was already there, laying down mats on the floor. Once the mats were on the floor, all the judo students were given a towel and put to task to wipe them down, which reminded me of my school days as a first-grader in Taiwan, where the students were required to clean their classrooms every morning prior to starting school (though I was usually able to get out of it). All the Japanese students and my son got to work right away, while most of our Thai students generally goofed around and did nothing. I wonder if they even know how to clean if their lives depended on it, given that most of them have been waited on hand and foot for their entire lives.

Cleaning the mats before the event.

The belt examination was one of the most intense experiences I've ever had, lasting for about three hours. All the judges, except for the judo sensei from our school, were judo instructors from the Japanese school, and some of them were professional judo champions in Japan. They all looked so serious, watching all the examinees carefully, and didn't crack a smile during the entire examination. All the parents present -- the Japanese ones, that is -- also took it very seriously. There was only one parent from the Japanese school who was not Japanese -- he was French -- and except for me, no parents from our school showed up to watch their children. The moment the event began, the Japanese parents all quieted down and watched solemnly. During the event, it was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop in that room. I almost broke down in giggles myself, it was so nerve-racking.

The Japanese kids also took it very seriously; they were extremely disciplined, even the younger ones, but they still played and goofed around like all kids do during the breaks between each round of the exam. During the breaks, the kids broke loose, ran around, and socialized. One of the Japanese boys, who was between 10 and 12 years of age, and my son took a liking to each other, and spent all the breaks with each other, running, chasing, and playing with each other. At the beginning of the event, the boy took it upon himself to show my son the ropes of the event, and made sure he knew where to stand and sit. All this, even though the boy spoke no English. It was sweet to watch.

A sign at the school.

The event, all in Japanese, began with warm-up exercises. Then each child individually performed ukemi (techniques of falling down) across the width of the room -- twice, no less -- under everyone's watchful eyes. Watching the Japanese kids perform was amazing and enabled me to see, for the first time, the beauty and art of judo. They were so exact and precise in every move and bow. My son, who usually knows those moves during judo class, was so nervous he forgot a couple of steps. He looked like he was going to start crying at any minute, but he didn't.

For the second round, each child was paired with another child to pin and throw each other down while sitting/kneeling and while standing. All the kids were paired two more times with other kids. My son enjoyed this round much more because he was no longer in the spotlight by himself. He was first paired with a little girl from our school; then with a Japanese girl older, taller, and much more experienced in judo than he; and lastly, with the French-Japanese boy, with whom he seemed to enjoy sparring the most. Both of them were smiling and giggling through the match, and appeared to be doing some kind of dance, grabbing each other by the collar while trying to topple their opponent, and avoid being toppled, by a sweep of the leg.

The program, with all the students' names translated into Japanese.

For the third, and final, round, two children at a time were called up to spar with each other. My son sparred with the little girl from our school, then with another older Japanese boy. He held his own, despite his size and inexperience. Some of the other more experienced kids from our school didn't last nearly as long as he did. Then there were the experienced teenagers whose matches lasted for at least 20 minutes, and elicited gasps and murmurs of excitement from the spectators. After each match, everyone clapped formally and gravely.

Towards the end of the last round, the Thai parents finally showed up -- in time to pick up their kids. After the examination was over, the entire Japanese school community came together to put away the mats and clean up after themselves and each other. The Thai parents stared at their phones while their kids goofed around.

Let the games begin.

This trip really highlighted for me the differences in parenting across the Japanese, Thai, and American cultures, and try to take the best from all the cultures. We American parents are our children's biggest cheerleaders; we want our children to be happy, but we also want them to be achievers. American parents can be hovering and become overly involved in their children's lives. At past martial arts belt examinations in the U.S., parents showed up to document their children's achievements with their camera phones and video recorders. At times, they would become so exuberant and intrusive in their documentation that the testing instructors would have to ask them to be quiet, step back, and give the children some space.

The Thai parents, on the other hand, tend to be uninvolved, from what I've seen. At our school's sporting events, parents usually don't show up to watch their children play. When they are around, their attention is usually on their phones. They are undisciplined and their children are usually the same. Their first priority is their children's happiness, but if there is a problem, they outsource it for someone else to resolve it, even if (or, perhaps, I should say "especially if") their children are the source of the problem. They tend to think about, and live in, the here and now, and look for quick solutions.

Then there are the Japanese parents. Like most Japanese people, they were reserved, serious, and organized. During the examination, they watched their children's performances like hawks, and were unobtrusive to a fault. Hardly any of them took pictures or videos of their children's performances. At first glance, they seemed cold and unloving. But they all worked together as a community, helping each other. And watching them interact with their children showed them to be supportive and loving parents.

My son doing ukemi.

Now I have yet another cultural experience to add to my list. And the past two years have certainly given me a lot of food for thought when it comes to parenting. I hope I don't return to the way of parenting so common among middle- and upper-middle class American women: neurotic, hand-wringing, and judgmental. If there is one thing I admire about the Thai mothers, it's their lack of judgment about their own and others' parenting -- though I admit their often careless way of approaching almost everything (except when it comes to their physical appearance) does bother me -- and the way they're able to let go without overly thinking and analyzing the consequences of their actions or lack thereof (whether good or bad). Having the freedom to parent (or not) any way I want without any pressure or judgment these last two years has been informative and instructive in how I do and don't want to parent in the future.

Countdown: Approximately Four Months Left

As eager as I've felt at times in the last few months to leave Thailand, I've also been feeling pangs of sadness, grief, and regret with the realization that our time here is now limited and finite. In a few months, we will be taking one last ride to the airport and leaving Thailand for good. I feel an unexpected ache when it hits me that what seemed an interminable period of time to explore and discover is almost over, that our life as it is now will no longer be in a few months, and that there will be a thousand things that we will have wanted to do that we will not get to and probably never will. It's surreal and bittersweet that our time here is actually coming to an end so soon.

Already, because of our decision to move back home this summer, our lives have become just a little bit more difficult. Since we're Americans moving back to our home country, shouldn't there be a sense of relief, anticipation, and happiness? But no, that's not the case at all. When we were getting ready to move here two years ago, it didn't seem all that difficult. Yes, it was stressful and scary to leave our entire lives behind and move across the world, not knowing what was in store for us here. And, yes, we went through a difficult period of adjustment and culture shock, which in our second year here has, on occasion, given way to annoyance and frustration at the way of life here. But we really didn't worry too much about how we would settle in once we were here. When we got here, there already was a community of people ready to help with whatever we needed -- housing, transportation, language barrier, grocery shopping....The transition really was quite smooth and easy considering we pretty much were starting our lives over halfway around the world.

Now, trying to do the reverse, it seems insurmountable. There already seems to be an infinite number of things we need to be thinking about and planning for: budgeting; shipping stuff home; housing; location of housing; school; work; and purchases of things we will need. The list goes on. Already, we feel as if we're bleeding money just from thinking about all the purchases we have to make upon our return. My husband has been navigating the maze that is our school system in order to get back into a teaching position there, and it has been much more difficult than we had expected. And there is no one who will be there to soften reality for us in our first days and weeks back home. Too, life will be more hectic back home -- gone will be the days when we come home to a house cleaned, clothes ironed, and dinner cooked, ready and waiting for us without us having to lift a finger. Gone, too, will be the days when people we rely on and people who are ready to help are right around the corner. We aren't even close to being home yet, but we're already feeling the negative effects of being there.

At the same time, with just a few months left, we're also trying to make up for lost time. Because of our circumstances -- living outside of the city with no easy way of getting around on our own, with a young child and no nanny -- we've missed out on many, many opportunities and activities that are unique to Thailand and to Bangkok that our single or childless friends have experienced, opportunities that can be found only if one has the luxury of time, energy, and freedom to wander aimlessly around the city for hours.

Still, we have a list a mile long of certain things we still hope to do in Bangkok -- farmers' markets, concerts in the park, museums, floating markets, cooking classes, restaurants, more massages and spas. Then there are more islands and cities in Thailand to visit. We also have this grand idea of purchasing some Thai furniture to ship home, so we have some mementos of our time here.

There are also still several places outside of Thailand that we want to see. Originally, we had hoped to go to China in April and maybe Australia this summer before going home. But the expenses involved in those two trips may force us to forego one or both trips. Between now and our departure in July, though, we still a bucket list to fulfill: Hong Kong, Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar, Sri Lanka, South Korea....

I am in mourning. I am not ready to go. I need more time. On the other hand, I am more determined than ever now to come back to live abroad, wherever it may be. And more than ever, I am keenly aware of how lucky we have been to have had, and so so grateful for, this amazing opportunity to see so much of the world in a short period of time, and to open our eyes to so many different ways of life and life's possibilities.