A Momentary Detour

For a few days this past week, I was presented with an opportunity back home, one that would have required (or allowed, depending on your perspective) me to return home for good much sooner than I had been expecting.

The story began earlier this year, in March or April. A thoughtful friend sent me a link to a job opening at a federal government agency. It was for an attorney position, and the duties involved were similar to what I was doing at my last position. He thought it was a great opportunity, especially given my previous experience, and wanted to let me know about it. At the time, I was not working full-time, and did not have any prospects of a full-time job. So I applied for this position, thinking that if I got this job for the 2014-2015 school year, I would accept it and return to the U.S. while my husband completed his contract with the school here. We would've had to be separated for 10 months, but we could've made it work.

Well, the months went by and I never heard from them, so I put it out of my mind. In the meantime, I was offered my current teaching job. We went home for a visit. Life went on. But, of course, life never happens as planned. A few weeks after I returned to Bangkok in July, just as I was preparing to start the school year, I received an email from the government agency with a request for an interview! After much discussion, my husband and I decided for me to go for it. After all, what harm was there to go through with the interview, right? (This is a big shift in my attitude and thinking. Two years ago, I wouldn't have gone through with the interview, having just started a new job. Now my thinking is, "Let's do it and see what happens.")

It was a huge pain in the butt to set up a transatlantic phone interview! We had to try a couple of times because my cell phone is an ancient dinosaur of a gadget and the connection was horrible. The interview finally took place one night at 10 p.m. my time. After waiting for the entire day for the interview, I was nervous, tired, and not in the mood. The interview went okay, but not particularly spectacularly. I was just glad to get it done and go to bed!

At the time, we decided that, if I were offered a position early enough in the school year, I could still consider accepting the job. The position was to start at the end of September. But again, weeks went by, and I heard nothing. I developed a routine and relationship with my students. We got to know each other, became comfortable with each other, and they came to depend on me.

Finally, after more than a month went by, I received a job offer this past week. Imagine the emotions that I felt seeing that email in my inbox first thing in the morning. I was happy that I received an offer, of course; it's always nice to have options. But now I was presented with a difficult decision that I was kind of hoping I wouldn't ever have to make. For one, I felt extremely crappy at the thought of abandoning my students so suddenly. Two, we have already made vacation plans for September and October, and I was really looking forward to those trips, as well as other trips later this year. On top of it all, a big part of me no longer felt like going home -- this year being our second year, things feel completely different; we're comfortable living here now, and we're enjoying our life with our jobs, friends, travels, and explorations.

On the other hand, if we go home after this school year, this job would've really allowed us to return to our former life back in the U.S. pretty seamlessly. My husband already has a guaranteed position back home, and I would've been able to return to the legal field with the U.S. government. The situation couldn't have been more ideal for a return to a safe and secure existence. So which do we choose -- adventure or security? And yes, the two are pretty much mutually exclusive. There is just no way for us to live the life we live now back in the U.S.

After discussing it at length, we decided for me to take another risk by asking about the possibility of postponing the start date. The email offer had stated that the "first available start dates" were in September, giving the impression that there may be other available start dates.

Alas, there was no possibility of postponing the start date, so I had to choose between accepting the job offer and starting by the end of September, or declining the offer. I was so torn. But my gut told me that it would be completely wrong of me to ditch my current job and students with such short notice. I also didn't really want to be separated from my family and take my son out of school just as he was happily getting settled, so I declined the offer, but only after holding onto my email response for about an hour before sending it.

Of course, a small part of me is now second-guessing my decision. What have I done? Did I really give up a good job that would allow me to get back into the legal field, after having been out of practice for a year, when many other lawyers that are more current in the field are looking for jobs? Will we be kicking ourselves for this decision if or when we return home? I've always been pretty fortunate when it comes to getting jobs, but I certainly don't want to push my luck. On the other hand, I am relieved and happy that I'm staying, that I didn't really have to screw anyone over with my decision, that I don't have to say goodbye to anyone just yet, and that I get to continue this adventure, which I'm feeling more reluctant to give up with each passing day.

A Flurry of Activities

It's a little nuts how much my son's schedule of activities has ramped up this year. We've gone from having one activity for most of last year to four and counting this year. This is the most number of activities he's ever had at one time, so it seems like a lot to me. I don't like putting him in too many structured activities, but it's hard to strike a balance between encouraging and supporting his interests and helping him develop skills, and allowing him unstructured time to play and just...be (which I think is highly underrated).

Back in the U.S., our son had been taking tang soo do classes twice a week. He really enjoyed it and was getting pretty good at it, so when we moved here, we decided to sign him up for an after-school tae kwon do class. We quickly learned, however, that it was not really a tae kwon do class. Rather, it was more of an exercise class for kids (seeing as how physical fitness isn't really a priority with Thai kids), and the pace was very slow -- too slow for my son. It was quite disappointing. He didn't even finish the semester. 

This school year, we've signed him up for judo because he's really missed his martial arts class. He's only had one session so far, but it seems promising. The class is co-taught by one of my husband's Japanese 10th-graders and her father, and both of them are really good at judo. A bonus is that my son will also pick up some Japanese being part of the class. When he took tang soo do, he learned how to count in Korean and picked up a few Korean phrases, and now he'll do the same with Japanese. My husband and I both took a year of Japanese in college, and it's nice to hear and recognize some familiar phrases again.

Back in March or so, we also signed him up for gymnastics classes at a Thai-Canadian sports center. After a few sessions, he was moved up to an intermediate-level, all-boys class that taught him more skills, such as the pommel horse, uneven bars, and rings. It's still at a pretty basic level, but he's progressing. We will continue with that on Saturdays until our membership runs out next March.

He's also continuing with swim classes this year because he enjoys them so much and is making a lot of progress. But the aquatics director who developed and built up this program for the past four years is no longer with the school, and no one has replaced him yet, so the quality of the classes remains to be seen.

Another addition to the schedule is the chess club. One of our friends here is leading and teaching it, and his kids, who are friends with my son, are in it, so my son wanted to be in it too.

Then, just this past week, a friend who has a daughter adopted from China approached me about private Mandarin classes for our kids. It would cost less than $30 total for an hour, so it's a great deal for both of us. Her daughter, who's my son's age, already had been getting private Mandarin classes for the past year or two, but she wants someone to take it with her. Since she and my son are close friends, and they both know a little bit of Mandarin, we thought it would be perfect. But both of our families have a lot on our plates, so scheduling the class has been tricky, and we're still uncertain whether or not we can make this class happen.

So our schedule has become fairly packed. Still, it doesn't feel hectic or rushed; we still feel that we have plenty of time at the end of the day, and my son still gets plenty of time to play and do what he wants. Most importantly, he's having a blast with these activities!

Mother's Day Weekend Getaway

Today is the Queen's birthday/Mother's Day, so we got a four-day weekend after only two days of school. At the last minute, we decided to go to a beach about three hours away for the weekend since we were "stuck" at home most of July. Because this was a last-minute reservation, it was the first time we paid closer to western prices, at about $100/night. Even so, it would've cost a lot more had it been in the U.S.

We booked a driver to take us there and back home, and two friends who were going to a nearby island shared the rides with us. We had great weather and a great view no matter where we were. We did nothing the entire weekend, except hang out and play on the beach and in the pools, eat and drink, and take a "sunset" cruise (without the sunset; the cruise ended before the sun set!). My son got to go fishing and caught a fish he had never seen before -- an oyster toad fish -- see a squid discharge ink when it was startled, and watch big pipe fish jump out of the water into schools of minnow to catch and eat them. It was really nice to get away for a few days.

 

Back to Work, Back to School!

I started new teacher orientation last week. Even though I had been here for a year already, I still considered myself "new" since I wasn't working full-time at the school last year -- a point that, apparently, confused everyone at the school. When I showed up at the school last Monday, even the high-school assistant principal exclaimed, "Oh hi! I wasn't expecting to see you here!" Really? I was excused from the HR meeting with new faculty the next morning, but that was when all the new staff got their I.D. cards, so I ended up having to do that on my own. Then, when we all went to the hospital for a physical exam last Wednesday, my name was left off the list of those requiring an exam and my presence completely confused the school HR and hospital staff.

Most of the activities throughout the week were a waste of time (for me and in general). I got to play "The Amazing Race," which, like the TV show, required the various teams to go to various parts of the campus in search of clues and complete various challenges. One challenge required a lap in the school pool by one team member from each team, so those who could swim (I can't) and who were adventurous enough jumped in fully clothed. My contribution to our team was eating most of my team's share of fish balls. However, even with my knowledge of the campus, my team still came in dead last. It was just too hot for anyone to care.

The hospital visit was interesting too. We were given a blood test, a urinalysis, an EKG, a chest X-ray, and a physical exam. The nurses got close and personal with our bodies. All our names were butchered beyond recognition (yes, even my one-syllable first name) by the hospital nurses and doctors. I was special and received not one, but two, eye exams. I tried to convey to the nurse that I had already had an eye exam earlier during the visit, but she did not understand me at all, so I just submitted to another one. Last year, one female teacher reported that the nurse who examined her asked her if her breasts were real because they were so big ("They are real and they are spectacular!").

One thing I really liked about last week was meeting all the new teachers. I think I'm in a great position right now -- I've already had a year to acclimate and adjust, and now am familiar with the city and culture, but I am still considered part of the new cohort and get to meet the newest members of the school. More new teachers this year than last are coming from another international setting -- Malaysia (a German/Polish man who was born in Argentina, has lived on five different continents, and speaks five languages), Hong Kong/Beijing (an American teaching at local schools there), Cairo, Qatar, and Peru. I loved hearing about their experiences and travels.

This week, all the returning teachers started work too. They have three days to prep for the new school year, then the students start on Thursday for all levels. I felt much more excited than I had anticipated to see the friends we had made last year after a couple of months of not seeing them, probably in part due to the fact that we were here for at least two weeks by ourselves before they began straggling in one by one (those first two weeks back were a bit rough, what with feeling homesick, having to adjust to being here again, and being here with no friends to hang out with). We were all so happy to see each other and catch up on our summers. And they all had such exciting summers -- trekking in Burma, hiking and zip lining in Bali, visiting villages in Nepal after spending several weeks in Australia and New Zealand, jet-setting all over Europe after a visit back home to the U.S., and traveling throughout the U.S. Really brought out the wanderlust in me.

Now we're all back to business with endless meetings, team-building activities (hate those), and preparations for the first semester starting Thursday. It's been overwhelming and exhausting, having to set up everything in the classroom and online, organize all the paperwork and documents (even without legal requirements to meet, special education here still generates a lot of paperwork!), learn about the students I'll have, and meet with all the teachers coming to me about the students. My own schedule is packed, with multiple classes to support each period of the day! I'm supposed to get two free periods every other day, but it looks like I'll have to be flexible about that. The good news is that I'll get to work with my husband in one of his Biology classes!

Meanwhile, my son has been a totally free-range kid this week. Most teachers with children here have a nanny, but we don't, so he's just been coming to school with us and hanging out wherever and with whomever is around. Yesterday, he was at the library on his own most of the day, along with a friend. Today, he hung out with the kids (aged 9 and 12; nicest kids I've ever met) of two teachers at the ES, helping them set up their bulletin boards and unpacking their classrooms for them. Then he ran around with a pack of older kids between the school and their house behind the school, coming back to the school during a downpour only when it was time to go home. I only saw him briefly once in the middle of the day. I doubt any of this would happen in the U.S., where not only is the mentality different, but young kids are more closely supervised and their schedules more controlled by their parents. But it worked out great -- we got the time to get some work done, and he got to feel like one of the big kids and experience freedom and independence. Then, this weekend, after only two days of school with students, we will have four days off. So far, so good!




 

Reflections After a Summer Home

It's been two weeks since we returned to Bangkok after playing tourist in our own country and city for a month. Our time at home went by in a flash. Between visiting family and as many friends as possible, a one-week writing class for my son, a short road trip, shopping for stuff to bring back (apologies for all the empty shelves at Target), and taking care of business, there was hardly any time to really slow down, take it all in, and enjoy it.

But oh, it was pretty fabulous to be back. Aside from the people, the best parts of being back were the beautiful weather that allowed us to spend virtually every waking moment outdoors without breaking out in sweat (and no mosquito bites -- I was in heaven!) and the sense of freedom we felt from being able to just hop in our car and go. Our road trip to Massachusetts and New Jersey especially made me long for the open road again.

The best thing about living in the U.S. is the convenience of everyday life. After living in Thailand, I had forgotten, and was amazed by, how easy life is in the U.S. I didn't even feel the need to be present to go through daily life there; everything could be achieved so easily and quickly without much thought. (Perhaps, though, being able to go through the motions without the presence of mind isn't such a good thing.) One thing is for sure -- I was able to see life in America from a new perspective. I realized how much I took for granted life there and had new-found appreciation for even the ordinary.

Having said all that, however, I also saw more clearly the flaws of our country. The first thing that really jumped out at me was all the excess that surrounded me -- from the grocery store to the portion sizes of meals to the things available to people to the size of vehicles. The more and the bigger, the better, it seemed. There was a lot of stuff, much more than anyone will ever need, everywhere. Americans really have it good; we have everything at our fingertips. How spoiled and entitled we must seem when we complain and whine about the little things when there are so many people here working so hard for so little without any complaint. Seeing all that was around me, it was hard to believe that there are people in the country actually living in poverty and living without basic needs. It really is a shame for a country with such an abundance of everything.

I definitely felt very lucky and grateful after taking a look around me and at my life. But it was a bit shocking to be confronted with so much. It was overwhelming and quite anxiety-inducing. Here in Thailand, I'm not constantly bombarded with a million options for everything; my life is simpler and much less stressful.

And as strange as this may sound, given the size of our country, I felt landlocked. During the short time that I lived in Thailand this past year, I had gotten used to being able get into a different country within just a couple of hours. If I drove for as many hours in Thailand as I did during our road trip in the U.S., I'd probably be two continents over already, but in America, I was still on the east coast, just a few states away!

It also felt strange to realize that the U.S. is not a country where international travel is an everyday occurrence and that traveling is actually a pretty big deal for most people there. Living here in Asia, I truly get the sense that the world is very much interconnected and that its people are truly global citizens. Many people call multiple countries "home," and they don't really consider themselves to be of any one nationality. But in the U.S., I don't really get that sense. America seems very much in its own bubble, both physically and mentally. Part of the reason may be its sheer size -- to get around in, and out of, America takes a good deal of time and money. But it also seems that many Americans are very much concerned only with their own lives and problems, and don't realize how intertwined with the rest of the world they, and many aspects of their lives, really are.

Living abroad also has changed me more than I had expected and more than I had realized while living here in Thailand -- it only became more obvious after I went home. This article pretty accurately discusses some of the ways a person is changed by living abroad. For me, in particular, I found my attitude to be much more relaxed, and things that used to bother me now simply rolled off my back. I also found myself feeling more confident; as the article says, I definitely feel more along the lines of "anything is possible" now that we've done what we've done. I feel that I can handle whatever life throws at me. Something else I had picked up from here was the friendly attitude of the Thai people. While home, I interacted much more with random strangers wherever I went, something that I rarely did before Thailand. I also felt more "tuned in" to my surroundings. And I have no desire to return to the rat race or to our previous existence, which felt just exactly that -- an existence, not living life as it should be lived. I now know that there is so much more to life than I could have ever imagined. 

I've loved living abroad, even if not so much the country that has allowed me to do so. Living abroad has opened up my world (literally and figuratively), taught me so much about myself and life, and given me a new perspective and a better attitude. I also love my current way of life, so relaxed and stress-free. Despite all this, however, we've come to a decision quite contrary to our feelings: we are likely going back home after this coming school year. The reason for our decision? My parents. As we were getting ready to leave for the airport to fly back to Bangkok, I saw the looks on my parents' faces. It was then that I knew I need to be home -- not only for them, but also for myself and my son.

In that moment, when I had this realization, there was a sense of relief and closure. But I'm quite nervous and worried about repatriating. I have no desire to return to my former self or get back onto the hamster wheel that is life in the U.S. I want to remember and hold onto what I've seen, experienced, and learned here. But I know that won't be the case. Over time, I will likely get sucked back into my surroundings and our previous life as it was will again be the norm. Maybe we will be able to live overseas again one day and pick up where we're leaving off. In the meantime, I feel very fortunate to have been able to live out our lifelong dream of living in another country.

The Job Saga...Finally Coming to a Close?

Ever since I received an offer to teach at our Bangkok school for the upcoming school year and signed a contract, I've been dealing with the bureaucracy that is the Thai government. It was easier wading through the U.S. government bureaucracy when I worked there, and that's saying a lot!

Before leaving for the U.S. for a visit last month, the school's HR informed me that I would need to provide a copy of the transcript for my master's degree (the degree that qualifies me for the job) and the diploma to that same degree. It was emphasized to me many times that I needed to make sure the name that appears on my transcript and diploma matches exactly my name as it appears on my passport (which lists my full name). If the names don't match exactly, I would need to request a name-verification letter from the university where I received my degree stating that the different names referred to the same person. I would need to do this even if it was just a matter of having only my middle initial on one document and my full name on another. I was given a sample letter to follow, and the provider of the letter would need to follow the sample letter's exact format and wording. (Rigid much?)

Once I got back to the U.S., I found a copy of my transcript and took a look. It was then that I remembered that I had completed this degree before I was married, so everything had my maiden name on it! Crap. I called the university registrar's office and explained my situation. The person on the phone instructed me to send in my transcript request, along with a copy of my marriage certificate and a copy of the letter my school needed. So off I went to the courthouse to request a copy of my marriage certificate (since the original one was back in Bangkok). I then typed up a letter detailing my situation and request, and mailed all the documents to the university. 

About a week later, I received my requested number of transcripts, along with two letters. One letter, addressed to me, stated that it was the university's policy to verify only the name a student used while attending the school. The other letter verified the name that I used while attending the school. Well, what good does that do me?! I scanned all the documents and emailed them to the HR lady who had been helping me, explaining the situation. Needless to say, she responded that the letter was unacceptable to the Thai Education Ministry. She suggested that I ask the American Embassy in Bangkok whether they would write a letter for me. She also acknowledged that she was uncertain as to whether the American Embassy provided such  service.

I wondered why the Thai government wouldn't accept marriage certificates as a form of name verification, especially as my marriage certificate not only lists my full name, but also links me to my current last name. I mean, really, how many people in the world have exactly my English first name, Chinese middle name, and Polish last name? HR didn't know the answer to this question either, and admitted that the Thai Education Ministry never gave them a good reason for its very narrow requirement.

I made an appointment to go in to obtain this affidavit. The way the process went, I would never accept this affidavit if I were the Thai government. I filled in the blank affidavit myself, and someone at the embassy asked me what the purpose of the affidavit was. I didn't even finish explaining before the clerk said, "Okay, if you swear everything on the paper is true, then just sign here." Really official!

The next day, I went to school to submit this affidavit, which was deemed acceptable. Now I wait for the arrival of my diploma. Then the HR office submits my paperwork to the Thai Education Ministry. After that, I also need to change the type of visa that I currently have, from a non-working visa to a visa that allows me to work in Thailand. To do that, I first need to go to the Thai immigration office in Bangkok to cancel my current visa. Then, the day after canceling my visa, I need to leave Thailand to go to the Thai Embassy in another country, with a letter from the Thai immigration office, to apply for the visa that I need to work in Thailand. Yippee! More stuff to do that I don't have time for! At least we plan to combine this trip, if it comes to be, with some sightseeing so as not to waste time or money. What worries me is the trip to the Thai immigration office. I have heard horror stories of people waiting there all day, not getting done what they needed to get done, and having to return at least one more time.

I can't believe how much time and energy I have spent just in pursuit of documents for employment. All this just to work for one year here.    

Another Year, Another House

In Thailand, moving from one house to another is nothing like moving in the U.S., at least for expats. In the U.S., we would research moving companies, get price quotes, and sign contracts with all kinds of stipulations just to move. And relocating within the U.S. is usually a major expense. In contrast, everyone we know here who move simply ask around to check who has a big enough vehicle to help them move. For this move, our first (and only, hopefully) in Thailand, we did go a bit more "formal" and got a recommendation of a guy who moves people on the side. It cost us only about $100. Moving also is easier here because we have no furniture.

We all love this house. It's so light, airy, and open, and we are within walking distance to shops, restaurants, a playground, and a lake. It's never been lived in by our landlady, who bought it as an investment property (I believe she resides in France). The location of the house is farther away from our school, though, so we've made tentative arrangements with the taxi driver who used to work for the teachers living at the house to come and pick us up every morning (sharing with one other teacher) so as to eliminate the frustration of having to look for a driver on a daily basis, which can be difficult, especially if it's raining. But so many of our friends here now live just down the street from us, so we can all get together at a moment's notice. Haven't had a living situation like that in...never! I'm really looking forward to living here for this next year!

Our house.

The front yard seen from the front door. And that tree is our very own mango tree! Can't wait till next April!

The front yard.

Another view of the front.

I love all the beautiful potted plants we have, but I have neither the time nor the patience to care for them, so they will probably end up dying.

The front door.

The downstairs.

More of the downstairs.

The kitchen, with a propane oven, a microwave left behind by the previous tenants, and a large refrigerator (not pictured).

Part of the backyard.

Upstairs landing.

Master bedroom. I really don't understand the columns in the middle of the room. Unlike the last house, this master bedroom doesn't come with its own bathroom.

I love the master bedroom furniture.

The room my son chose for himself.

His very own balcony.

The upstairs bathroom. Behind that curtain is a bathtub!